thoughts of you

it's so strange,
cause it's so new,
and to others
they may find it rather silly,

but after leaving you,
mere minutes later,
i miss you-- a little,
sometimes even more;

i keep asking myself
what is this?
over and over,
what are these feelings
i can't quite distinguish?

i really don't know
but i know what they
could be, i know what they might be,

yet how can something
be so hard and make one so afraid
just to say?

hello me

Can I start over
like a child again?
you make me feel as if I could.

at night as you hold me tight,
it's hard for
my mind to register,
"hey I'm not alone."


but I close my eyes tight
and there is no anxiety,
no expectations do I possess,
doubts, I have none,
just peacefulness.

there is no need to be
"pretend me"
outsiders so often see,

the best part is
me isn't just a memory,
she has been found
and it's so refreshing
just to wake up each day
knowing there is someone to care.

making me only wanting to give
and ask for nothing in return.

what is this?

I didn't need you
for a change to occur
within me,
but did I tell you it helped?

I wasn't looking for anyone,
until you were found.


To touch your skin
I find a peace,
chaos escapes to
uncharted shores

confidence builds
slowly I can open up,
I want to trust,
I want to care.


a mind could heal
loneliness, a friend for years
puts on his hat
and waves goodbye.

This feeling, I'm so not used too
What is it? happiness?
no mater, just continue


to stay up late with me
delay the real world,
for a few hours.

just hold me
touch me, kiss me
surround me with your laughter,
tell me your stories and
let me be me.

reminders

I can't concentrate today
looking in the mirror
I see your love bites on my skin
closing my eyes I smell your scent;

subtle reminders of just hours before
when our bodies were intertwined
with passionate laughter
and suffocating kisses.

there's a chance the new will disappear
or maybe not

who knows, but until then as you say
"I can't wait to get butt naked
in the back room with you."

red balloon

as i sat beneath the circus tent
my eyes distant from the clowns, elephants and you.
all attention focussed on a single red balloon which had
just escaped the sticky grasp of a child.

effortlessly it drifted
just missing a teased up-do of high society
in a moment's time
it rose above the crushed popcorn, sawdust and chatter
music, applause and barking dogs on hind legs.

closing my eyes
i saw myself
slowly disappearing
never to see you grind your teeth,
stub out your cigarette
or make that disapproving face.

i'm almost free, i'm almost free

startling cries of a child
reaching for the red balloon.
threw me back beside you
and your mouth stuffed full
of blue cotton candy.

afternoon lust, maybe?

At first sight
I wanted you today
right then, right there
I had no care as to who was there;

When you say "sweetie, maybe, make room for me"
like a school girl
my knees go weak.

your talk of possessions, muscles
may impress others
but I can do without.

It's only animal attraction
which overwhelms me
in your presence
I'm not sick,
but feverish I feel.

I couldn't say
what color shirt
you wore,
nor the design of
tatoo on your arm;

only could I see
were piercing eyes
looking back,
a slight devilish grin
upon your mouth
projecting dangerous
thoughts of how it could be,
and how it will be.

I wonder if
you'll talk dirty
or say "sweetie?"
long wet kisses or
just give me a spanking.

to touch you I need and want
your skin I want to taste
overpower me with the force of your body
place a strong grip upon my arms.

it's the lust
of no strings
the only way to be
quit talking
now let's begin.

afternoon thoughts

I had a thought the other day
as I was sitting down on the porch
for some reason suddenly
I was back at that flat
Lovestreet playing on the radio
a Marlboro light placed upon my lips


the sun shone so bright
I rubbed my eyes
to see you there
laid back on a chair
sipping on your beer

speaking about your gig
this and that
and that and this.

I never thought about
what you said then

the dull tone of the silver windchimes
you bought me
that summer at the market
for a moment interupted Jim.


On your way to the ice chest
you came over and kissed me
telling me
"love you, babe,"
those silly words
got my attention
for almost three years.

today as I closed my eyes
I could smell the stale beer
and taste on your mouth
I took my hand and slapped my face
"stupid, stupid girl."

a moment to linger

I wasn't really asleep
but kept my eyes tightly shut,
playing rebel to the lingering moment
as you sat up
to pull on your jeans.

to feel you once more
is all I needed,
all I wanted,
but it was time.

we knew yesterday
this would be
the last
you would feel my skin
the touch of my lips
or hear our rapid heartbeats in unison.

when the door shut
behind your footsteps

the morning light
pierced my eyes
not letting me
shed a single tear.

Fall fads

i thought about him a lot today
dark hair and eyes of blue
one who captured my attention
a few weeks last september

i was memorized by
the sound of his voice
one touch would
send a shock of fire
for a phone to ring,
a heart
to skip a beat

but the stale dreary days of late fall
I could not escape;

excitement flew out the door
with the last goose to head south.

by the early morning snow
interest became lost on blue;
green now was
the new fascination.

on the brink of what exactly?

I think I'm going mad;
little things to notice

no concentration,
nervous spasms
one brain scrambled
as an addict.

a mind floats away
looking down at me
and laughs out loud
I think I'm going mad;

feelings, don't exist,
no joys, no sorrows
there is no appetite
only aches and more aches;

looking in the mirror
i see nothing
but a wrinkle between my brow
I touch to feel the pain behind brown eyes
I think I'm going mad.

to listen

to see you then
lying on the bed
one toe playing with a golden sash
anyone would have known

your eyes averted and cold
told a familiar story
my fingertip traced your lips
coaxing you to speak

silence worked its magic
giving no time to listen

it was over long before
comprehension did not exist;

one heart it took to break
one mind traveling away

my goodbyes
came too late;

you were already
out the door.

a jump on spring

I am awake
I am alive
set upon a distant echo;

outside my window
birds lit from branch to branch
a squirrel hastens up a trunk
wind gently brushes budding leaves
the approaching spring
all is renewed

babies cry
people play
oh the places they go
breathe in the air
life

like a catalyst
I begin
maybe again
senses fulfilled
constant motion
pain dulls to mute

just succumb

it surrounds me now

a heavy dark veil
suffocating,
strangling,
weighing down
every ounce of life

screams,
purging
voices
aches

the sun cuts through
the late winter chill
heat stinks my cheek

razors to flesh
pills spill upon a floor
I don't want this anymore

one goldfish
floats to the top
stiffening to early decay
it's escaped

can I?

Just an Affair

Two adults
it began with;

flirtatious calls
emails late at night
cyber sex?

I feel it- don't you?
I want you,
I need you
But just once, nothing more;
and no holding afterwards,
I hate clingy.

By the way,
make sure you lock the door
when you turn to leave.

A Week of Persistant Men

On Tuesday there's Trent;
young, but old enough
innocent letters, calls and lunch dates.

Not once can he speak direct.
I smile at the sight of his cheeks
turning a delicate shade of pink.

On Thursday there's Brian
Big, boisterous
exuberant, self confidence
I respect.

His art, a carefully spun web of lies
as he paints poetry upon my lips;
He's safe, he's secure.

Easily I could get lost
within his warm embrace,
but, alas we need our space.

Ken visits on Friday
Tight, muscles, perhaps a brain.
His hype I immediately saw through,
unlike others.

He has no qualms about what he wants
His requests voiced with
thunderous applause
and physicality.

he stirs excitement
from deep within,
while a red light cautions.


My requests?
To live the moment.
Commitments? I do not need;
Fun? oh yes.
When do we start?

feb. 13 thoughts

There's a smile on my face,
a feeling of unexpected excitement
rushing through my being
I want to shout it to the world

but kept as a secret
I find it more fun;

interestingly enough,
the past it does not concern
and that makes me smile even more

requests

cover my mouth,
so I won't speak those words to you;

cover my eyes
so I can't see your tears;

make me deaf
so I won't hear your pleads;

hold me so tight
'til I lose my breath

erase my mind
make me forget
make me forget.

disappear

Can you watch me disappear
while watching blackbirds swirl in circles against the darkened colored sky?

Can you watch me disappear
amidst the hustle and bustle of a busy city street?

Can you watch me disappear
upon the shelves of clutter within my mind?


Can you watch me disappear
into the warmth of your open arms when things aren't together?

It’s okay, let me disappear.

Secret weapon of a woman

I bat my eyelashes
And my flat is fixed

a trip, movie?
bat, bat

Hungry?
Problem solved

Need new clothes?
Presto!
Fun magic
bat, bat

I bat my eyelashes and
find a guy
alas,
What magic works on you?

forgotten face

when i close my eyes at night
I can't see your face anymore
no longer can I make out prominent features
nor a smile which could brightened a room.

when I close my eyes at night
and think of you
the dark cold eyes of Satan returns my glance
piercing through a murky cloud of waste

when I close my eyes at night
its another face I see
with caring eyes of green,
one smile, one voice
and arms reached out to hold me tight

when I close my eyes at night
memories fade as fog
as darkness disapates
when I close my eyes at night.